In general I work as a manager or program/project manager on interim basis (if you are really interested check my bio at LinkedIn ?). But right now I’m without a project or job, so at home these days. Although I really enjoy my free time right now, being able to work on my square foot garden project, write these blogs, spent time with family and cooking a lot. I too have to pay the bills and must find a new project and/or job no matter how enjoyable it is to be ‘jobless’ especially in spring season. The biggest advantage however of my temporary all-day-freedom is the ability to run almost every morning. It is exercise and meditation at the same time and so this morning during my run it dawned on me. Just out of the blue an insight popped into my head: ‘I’m taking my life too seriously’. Oops! … I did it again.
Taking my life too seriously…
Is a trap I easily fall into. Apparently I have an enormous ego, playing mind games with me all the time. Related to my life I can easily believe one or more of the following stories:
- I have to give my utmost for the people I care about
- I want to keep on living in my house with my girls
- First I have to finish ‘whatever’ and than peace of mind will follow
- Once I have sufficient money in my bankaccount and my kids are grown up I can travel the world
- I’m responsible for how my life will turn out to be
- There is so much that still has to be done, I cannot find the time for it
- I need to be able to multitask more
- I must at least try to perform my roles as mother, partner, employee, colleague, friend,
daughter, sister etc etc as good as possible
- I suck in so many of the above thing
- I’m done! I’m completely done!
Believe and identification
Because I really believe these stories, because I even identify myself with these stories. I suffer. More painful to realize though is I actually like this suffering. (OMG, what went wrong and where exactly)? Or as one of the most original and inspiring spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, author of the bestseller ‘The Power of Now’, would say:
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.
Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.
Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral.
It is as it is.
Conclusion: by sticking to my thoughts I actually hold on to the suffering. Only awareness and acceptance of what the present moment contains, in other words ‘giving up resistance’, will dissolve the suffering.
At least I can say I became a bit more aware today. Realizing however that I create my own suffering is quiet disturbing and painful. I rather blame someone else ?. Have to work a bit more on the acceptance-part yet. Just found another story I want to leave: taking my life too seriously…..
What story do you want to leave? Love to hear about the mind games your ego is putting you up with!